There is language I somehow missed, when signing my divorce settlement. It worries me because it may mean that my ex does not have to contribute toward's Cate's nursery school at all (much less, for college in the future). I'm not absolutely sure that that is what the language means since I cannot consult my lawyer who will not do any more work until I pay the $12,000 outstanding bill! The language, unfortunately, does seem to suggest that my ex does not have to help pay for nursery school. It reads:
"The amount of child support provided for herein deviates to the extent that it has been rounded up from $297.36 to $300.00 per week from the presumptive amount of the basic child support obligation determined pursuant to the guidelines of the Child Support Standards Act for the following reasons:
.... (B) The physical and emotional health of the CHILD, and their education or vocations needs and aptitudes."
I am contemplating filing a motion in court, to demand R to pay. I have an uncle who is a divorce attorney who suggested I use the argument that Cate's educational needs have changed since the signing of the settlement. However, I'd like to go further. Here is what I wrote in an email to my uncle:
"I will point out the rather ridiculous fact, hidden within the self-congratulatory 'rounded up' language used by R's lawyer in that statement above, as if there was some kind of generousity involved on R's part. Here's the ridiculous fact:
I am being given only $2.64 per week from R to pay for education.
What kind of education is that? A coloring book for Cate to teach herself how to draw?
If the judge then comes back and tells me that I signed the settlement too, then I can then proceed along your suggested line of argument to say that her educational needs have increased from $2.64 per week when she was a 2 year old doing coloring books, to $100 / week as a 3 year old attending nursery school, her enrollment in which, has been approved by the father.
Moreso, I am hoping to point out something that could be easily missed, particularly given that my own lawyer missed it, to wit, the sneaky manner in which R's lawyer phrased the settlement in order to allow R to not have to pay what every red-blooded decent father should pay, as a basic parental responsibility.
It may not be an "argument" per se, but a pointed-out detail to help the Judge understand what kind of person R really is, and the opportunistic and unfair manner in which he and his lawyer have operated during the divorce, in writing the settlement, and now, in terms of allowing R to avoid his financial responsibility as a father."
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Narcissistic Sense of Entitlement
Here is how I described yesterday's events, to a friend.
"Yesterday, I had a huge argument with R. We were talking about Cate's new nursery school. It's a cooperative nursery school wherein the parent(s) get to participate, about once a month, to be Teacher's Assistant for the day. The parents love it, the kids love it, and the nursery school is so awesome because of that. I picked the school for this reason. Leading up to that was of course all the legwork and weeks of trial&error finally culminating in her enrollment to that school. At one point doing the whole daycare thing and that not going well. Then back to finding a nursery school. I mean, it was a little stressful and took a lot of work and time. And on top of that, at every step of the way, Ron refused to contribute one red penny to help make it happen. At a certain point I became resigned to the fact that he is useless that way, and it became "acceptable" to me, because then at least, he'd be out of the picture entirely.
But on Friday, R says to me "so I assume you've included me in the schedule so I can be the Teacher's Assistant too?" I think I paused for about 3 seconds to wrap my brain the inconceivable-yet-conceivable outrageous chutzpah and narcissistic sense of entitlement this man was throwing so casually in my face ... and then I let it rip. Luckily, Cate was not in the area. I did manage to preface my tirade kindly (as kindly as one can with a clenched jaw), by saying "You know, there's a little expression, and it goes, YOU GOTTA PAY TO PLAY". And then without skipping a beat proceeded to go into rather colorful commentary and tirade about what I thought about him.
Well, I hope you don't think I'm an awful scary witch (it being Halloween and all) for doing that, because I think he deserved every insult I levelled at him, and honestly, because I was being purposeful about it. The goal was not to insult for the sake of insulting, but to convey to him the fact that that no one at the nursery school was looking kindly upon him, given his refusal to help pay, especially given my finances. Knowing that R is (deep down) hyper sensitive to what the public thinks of him (the public being anyone whom he cannot order around, either in his house, or on a job site), I am hoping what I told him about what the "public" thought of him, would discourage him from contacting anyone at the school to ask to be a parent participant."
"Yesterday, I had a huge argument with R. We were talking about Cate's new nursery school. It's a cooperative nursery school wherein the parent(s) get to participate, about once a month, to be Teacher's Assistant for the day. The parents love it, the kids love it, and the nursery school is so awesome because of that. I picked the school for this reason. Leading up to that was of course all the legwork and weeks of trial&error finally culminating in her enrollment to that school. At one point doing the whole daycare thing and that not going well. Then back to finding a nursery school. I mean, it was a little stressful and took a lot of work and time. And on top of that, at every step of the way, Ron refused to contribute one red penny to help make it happen. At a certain point I became resigned to the fact that he is useless that way, and it became "acceptable" to me, because then at least, he'd be out of the picture entirely.
But on Friday, R says to me "so I assume you've included me in the schedule so I can be the Teacher's Assistant too?" I think I paused for about 3 seconds to wrap my brain the inconceivable-yet-conceivable outrageous chutzpah and narcissistic sense of entitlement this man was throwing so casually in my face ... and then I let it rip. Luckily, Cate was not in the area. I did manage to preface my tirade kindly (as kindly as one can with a clenched jaw), by saying "You know, there's a little expression, and it goes, YOU GOTTA PAY TO PLAY". And then without skipping a beat proceeded to go into rather colorful commentary and tirade about what I thought about him.
Well, I hope you don't think I'm an awful scary witch (it being Halloween and all) for doing that, because I think he deserved every insult I levelled at him, and honestly, because I was being purposeful about it. The goal was not to insult for the sake of insulting, but to convey to him the fact that that no one at the nursery school was looking kindly upon him, given his refusal to help pay, especially given my finances. Knowing that R is (deep down) hyper sensitive to what the public thinks of him (the public being anyone whom he cannot order around, either in his house, or on a job site), I am hoping what I told him about what the "public" thought of him, would discourage him from contacting anyone at the school to ask to be a parent participant."
Friday, October 30, 2009
"Co-Parenting" is an oxymoron.
"Co-parenting" is an oxymoron.
There is no such thing as "co-parenting".
I'm sorry, but if anyone tells you they "get along" with their ex, they are either:
a) a man managed to rake his wife over the coals in the divorce, had the better lawyer who got him the better deal, and therefore has no bitterness.
b) a mother who is still in "abused wife" mode and is taking his shit when she should no longer be, but doesn't know she's doing that because she is still that delusional. I'm thinking her husband cheated on/left her, and she's still pining for him.
c) they are merely describing the manner of behavior that is used in the presence of the child to shield them from their true feelings, which does not mean they truly "get along" with their ex, but this is what they call it in front of their child.
So my blog begins. It's my "rant and rave" blog. My occasional "poor me" blog. Venting, vitriol, some imagined vengeance. Because a girl's gotta talk, right? Otherwise, I might explode. Or just crawl into a hole. Depends on the day!
So here are the thoughts of a single mom trying to survive on her own, who has lost nearly everything (except my beautiful amazing 3 year old child!!!!) in a bitter and costly 2 year divorce. Everything I have done, has been for my daughter. She is my world, and I would give mine, for her.
That said, I'm going to start.
disclaimer: folks, this is strictly my divorce-wake blog, so I'm gonna vent. I'm not hear to do anything more than that, I've got other blogs for that. So, please know that I'm not a witchy bitchy rageful divorcee, I just sound that way. Here. On my blog. So I don't become that person in real life.
Okay, maybe I'll be that person in real life sometimes, if it puts my dirty rotten ex in his place.
:-)
There is no such thing as "co-parenting".
I'm sorry, but if anyone tells you they "get along" with their ex, they are either:
a) a man managed to rake his wife over the coals in the divorce, had the better lawyer who got him the better deal, and therefore has no bitterness.
b) a mother who is still in "abused wife" mode and is taking his shit when she should no longer be, but doesn't know she's doing that because she is still that delusional. I'm thinking her husband cheated on/left her, and she's still pining for him.
c) they are merely describing the manner of behavior that is used in the presence of the child to shield them from their true feelings, which does not mean they truly "get along" with their ex, but this is what they call it in front of their child.
So my blog begins. It's my "rant and rave" blog. My occasional "poor me" blog. Venting, vitriol, some imagined vengeance. Because a girl's gotta talk, right? Otherwise, I might explode. Or just crawl into a hole. Depends on the day!
So here are the thoughts of a single mom trying to survive on her own, who has lost nearly everything (except my beautiful amazing 3 year old child!!!!) in a bitter and costly 2 year divorce. Everything I have done, has been for my daughter. She is my world, and I would give mine, for her.
That said, I'm going to start.
disclaimer: folks, this is strictly my divorce-wake blog, so I'm gonna vent. I'm not hear to do anything more than that, I've got other blogs for that. So, please know that I'm not a witchy bitchy rageful divorcee, I just sound that way. Here. On my blog. So I don't become that person in real life.
Okay, maybe I'll be that person in real life sometimes, if it puts my dirty rotten ex in his place.
:-)
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